Saturday, March 29, 2014
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Are We Living Too Long
Lets talk about death today! Sorry, just trying to make it seem exciting. If you know me well, you may know that I live with my grandparents, who are 90+ years old. If you know me really well, you may also know that my grandfather is losing his mind... some sort of dementia, maybe Alzheimers, who knows. Regardless, much of the time he doesnt know who I am, nor where he is, and from time to time, he still thinks its the 1940s. He also has a hard time taking care of himself. He seems to forget how to perform even the most basic tasks, like brushing his teeth or shaving. Every day is a struggle for him and for those around him.
Essentially, his quality of life has diminished to the point where I question why he wants to keep fighting. Lately Ive been thinking hard about some of this stuff... yes, were living longer lives, but are we really living?
Disclaimer
Before I go any further, Id like to say a few things. First, no one close to me has ever died. At 28 years old, Im not quite sure how this is possible, but I havent personally experienced the loss of a close family member or friend. Second, I have no idea what its like to be close to death. Im young, and havent suffered from any life-threatening trauma myself, so Ive never personally been in a situation where I felt like I was dying. My point is, Im looking at death as an outsider, as someone with no first-hand experience. If you find anything I say to be offensive, or ignorant... now you know where Im coming from.
Im a firm believer in the idea that we die when were ready to die. You know, outside of trauma or something like that. How many times have you heard that someone "died with his family at his side, as if he knew it was time", or that "it was like she waited for everyone to leave so she could die in peace"? No matter how we want it to happen, it seems we have some control over when we let ourselves go. Its as if we have one foot in the afterlife, and its up to us to take that last step.
But today, with modern medicine leading the way, it seems that many of us hang onto that step for as long as is humanly possible. Ive met some who are far beyond the point my grandfather is at. Spending just a few minutes in a dementia ward at a local nursing home, Ive met people with virtually no mental function who need assistance in every activity of daily living. Its one of the most depressing things Ive ever seen. These people are simply no longer functioning human beings.
So this brings up some questions... Whats keeping people like this alive? Have we forgotten how to die? Why do we keep going, despite such a horrible quality of life?
I think we would benefit from thinking a little harder about death.
Looking at Death in a Positive Light
To me, death can be a beautiful thing. Were all born, and we all die. Those are just about the only certainties in this life, and I think theres something beautiful in the simplicity. To quote my favorite Bright Eyes song, "there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free". Its the inevitable ending to a human life, the culmination of all that has been accomplished, and a celebration of the freedom of the soul from the confines of the body. Whats so bad about that?
I think its time we embrace death. Not literally of course, for most of us, but we should change the way we think about it. It marks an ending for sure, but with all endings come new beginnings. The death of a loved one will never be easy. But if we approach it with a different mindset, understanding the positives that can come from it and appreciating the beauty of a life that has run its course, we can appreciate it for what it is. Think of the death of a loved one as a chance for personal growth. You cant change it. You have no choice but to keep on going. Embrace it, accept it, and grow from it. Change is the only constant in life; its best we all learn how to use it to our advantage.
And when that time comes to face the end of our own lives, and I truly believe that we will know when that time comes, we shouldnt feel obligated to fight it. Sure, modern medicine can keep us alive for many years more than ever before, but as our quality of life declines, each of us needs to decide for ourselves whether thats a good thing. Theres nothing wrong with letting go if thats what we feel. And we should do it with smile, experiencing the full spectrum of emotions of the moment... happiness, sorrow, relief, hope, guilt, love, fear, all of it... knowing that we took the next step on our terms, not at the mercy of a respirator.
Phew, that was some heavy stuff. I just cant talk about death anymore, even if it is the positive side of it. Its killing my mood!! I wont even properly conclude this post, just take these musings for what theyre worth!
Ill leave you with something a little lighter... an article called "Top Five Regrets of the Dying". Its a great list that might just help you put things in perspective. Hint: be happy and love people. Now thats how you end a post about death on a happy note :)
Are We Living Too Long
Essentially, his quality of life has diminished to the point where I question why he wants to keep fighting. Lately Ive been thinking hard about some of this stuff... yes, were living longer lives, but are we really living?
Disclaimer
Before I go any further, Id like to say a few things. First, no one close to me has ever died. At 28 years old, Im not quite sure how this is possible, but I havent personally experienced the loss of a close family member or friend. Second, I have no idea what its like to be close to death. Im young, and havent suffered from any life-threatening trauma myself, so Ive never personally been in a situation where I felt like I was dying. My point is, Im looking at death as an outsider, as someone with no first-hand experience. If you find anything I say to be offensive, or ignorant... now you know where Im coming from.
Im a firm believer in the idea that we die when were ready to die. You know, outside of trauma or something like that. How many times have you heard that someone "died with his family at his side, as if he knew it was time", or that "it was like she waited for everyone to leave so she could die in peace"? No matter how we want it to happen, it seems we have some control over when we let ourselves go. Its as if we have one foot in the afterlife, and its up to us to take that last step.
But today, with modern medicine leading the way, it seems that many of us hang onto that step for as long as is humanly possible. Ive met some who are far beyond the point my grandfather is at. Spending just a few minutes in a dementia ward at a local nursing home, Ive met people with virtually no mental function who need assistance in every activity of daily living. Its one of the most depressing things Ive ever seen. These people are simply no longer functioning human beings.
So this brings up some questions... Whats keeping people like this alive? Have we forgotten how to die? Why do we keep going, despite such a horrible quality of life?
I think we would benefit from thinking a little harder about death.
Looking at Death in a Positive Light
To me, death can be a beautiful thing. Were all born, and we all die. Those are just about the only certainties in this life, and I think theres something beautiful in the simplicity. To quote my favorite Bright Eyes song, "there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free". Its the inevitable ending to a human life, the culmination of all that has been accomplished, and a celebration of the freedom of the soul from the confines of the body. Whats so bad about that?
I think its time we embrace death. Not literally of course, for most of us, but we should change the way we think about it. It marks an ending for sure, but with all endings come new beginnings. The death of a loved one will never be easy. But if we approach it with a different mindset, understanding the positives that can come from it and appreciating the beauty of a life that has run its course, we can appreciate it for what it is. Think of the death of a loved one as a chance for personal growth. You cant change it. You have no choice but to keep on going. Embrace it, accept it, and grow from it. Change is the only constant in life; its best we all learn how to use it to our advantage.
And when that time comes to face the end of our own lives, and I truly believe that we will know when that time comes, we shouldnt feel obligated to fight it. Sure, modern medicine can keep us alive for many years more than ever before, but as our quality of life declines, each of us needs to decide for ourselves whether thats a good thing. Theres nothing wrong with letting go if thats what we feel. And we should do it with smile, experiencing the full spectrum of emotions of the moment... happiness, sorrow, relief, hope, guilt, love, fear, all of it... knowing that we took the next step on our terms, not at the mercy of a respirator.
Phew, that was some heavy stuff. I just cant talk about death anymore, even if it is the positive side of it. Its killing my mood!! I wont even properly conclude this post, just take these musings for what theyre worth!
Ill leave you with something a little lighter... an article called "Top Five Regrets of the Dying". Its a great list that might just help you put things in perspective. Hint: be happy and love people. Now thats how you end a post about death on a happy note :)
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